Saturday, 3 November 2012

How to Ensure You Lose Your Pride:

In case you are one who worries about and are concerned with becoming proud, here are a few tips I've picked up along my humiliating journey:
a) Move to a foreign country.
-- the more foreign and different from your own, the better. and if you can arrange that the primary language is not your own, this helps.
b) Try to learn the new language.
-- guarantee you'll screw up and be the "joke" for the day; either to your own face, or behind your back.
c) Attempt to fit in.
-- next to impossible if the color of your skin is different
d) Buy a rolly bag with wheels in an attempt to be more efficient
-- and then try to drag it on dirt roads or too narrow of tar roads covered in pot holes. the sight of you dragging this twisted wheely bag along the street will draw enough attention that you become the focal point of the entire neighborhood.
e) Try to walk to work without a map
-- chances are, you'll get lost and not even know it. when a kind local asks you where you are headed, be prepared that you are FAR off the right course, and need to return past all the other locals you've already greeted along the way.
f) Forget to carry a spoon in your bag
-- and therefore, be left to using your fingers to eat a food you thought belonged in a bowl because of its runny consistency.
g) Wear Non-Breathing Clothing
-- go to town wearing dark colored capris, and sit on plastic chairs in the sun for at least an hour. your backend will sweat in excess, soaking through your capris, making it look like you've wet yourself fully. and then, before you've had time to dry off (which takes much less time than at home), make sure you have to get up and walk home!
h) Presume You Know How to Fit In
-- after less than three weeks, become cocky, despite the already aforementioned reasons to NOT be arrogant. board a minibus and attempt to negotiate a few extra blocks out of your trip. fail to communicate effectively and presume that the "conductor" understands what youre asking.
or, even better, miscommunicate your destination and then argue with the conductor about the price he is expecting you to pay.
if either of these scenarios occur, APPRECIATE the co-rider who steps in to translate your error and help you out of your stupidity!

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